As I grow older, I come to realize my own limits. I always thought I could do everything like in high school. I was able to participate in every club, take the toughest courses, and accept any challenge life threw at me. I was always placed in a situation where something had to give and I collapsed on my own self. In the end I came out stronger and wanting tougher challenges to take on.
College came and the options came flooding in. I went into college with the same superman mentality and it resulted in a total burn out my 2nd year. School in the morning, having every meal with a person, doing hw and socializing at night. I balanced everything really well. But I never had time for myself. I was always engrossed in the presence of others.
I collapsed into a really bad depression my 2nd year. I became a husk of my former self. All I did was do a shit ton of drugs and played video games. I didn’t have the motivation to do anything else. I snapped out of it my Spring quarter and got a job that turned into my career post-college.
My 3rd year, I kept to myself and my close friends. Focused on school and work. I re-assumed a lot extra-curriculars and now I am burnt the fuck out again. I realized I can’t do everything.
I felt really depressed cause I couldn’t really satisfy everyone that I cared about. But I need to prioritize my own well-being over others.
I resolve from now on to say no more than I say yes. Focus on what makes me happy and fulfilled.
Easier said than done though.
The one thing that I learned in my 3rd year is that personal time is my most treasured time. I enjoy the company of others, but I need to recharge by being with myself.
I think I’ve written this narrative at least once a year on this blog. I hate how it is a repeating fault of myself. I really want to help everyone, but I simply can’t..